i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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