i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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