I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
