i may or may not be watching the land before time
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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