True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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