If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
