forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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