You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Oh god it's open bar.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
