I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
