someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
