So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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