I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize