i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
