so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
