why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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