I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
