Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
