my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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