Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
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