I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
