Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
