Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
