I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
