How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
