i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
