Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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