had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Randomize
