If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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