The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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