I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
