It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
