I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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