when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
