You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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