My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
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Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
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The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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