I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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