The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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