New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
