Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
