called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
