So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
