Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
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i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
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I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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