Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
