I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
