I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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