She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
