Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
