I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
