Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
