Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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