Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Its about making memories worth repressing
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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