the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
