foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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