he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I've blown a few things in my day
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
