We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Also, beer. Big fan.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
