I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
