it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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