my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
