Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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