You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
