Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
