Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
