ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
